you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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