so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
