I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
