there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
