12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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