It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
