omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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