I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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