im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love accidental penises.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
