according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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