I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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