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I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Randomize
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