Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.