I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.