Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.

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  (314): I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window. http://tfl.nu/w8zt
  Replies (14) Good night (4429) Bad night (766)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Successful day.

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  (512): I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave. (573): Successful day. http://tfl.nu/6nom
  Replies (26) Good night (4367) Bad night (1273)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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  (804): IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT http://tfl.nu/e7uf
  Replies (40) Good night (9403) Bad night (1597)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

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  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2201) Bad night (722)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?

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  (954): I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home? http://tfl.nu/a7up
  Replies (3) Good night (1137) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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  (570): the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year. http://tfl.nu/g3sd
  Replies (4) Good night (1514) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.

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  (775): you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is. http://tfl.nu/hp0z
  Replies (6) Good night (1319) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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  (678): Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS. http://tfl.nu/1c5m
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole

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  (865): I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole http://tfl.nu/7gdi
  Replies (8) Good night (529) Bad night (987)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed

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  (206): Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed http://tfl.nu/3k2a
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails

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  (703): I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails http://tfl.nu/g65f
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him

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  (951): I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him http://tfl.nu/3cah
  Replies (3) Good night (298) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop

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  (805): I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop http://tfl.nu/0zhw
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!

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  (662): I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good! http://tfl.nu/4rir
  Replies (0) Good night (230) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.

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  (330): I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won. http://tfl.nu/41ux
  Replies (5) Good night (281) Bad night (594)

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