i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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