remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
