You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
