I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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