apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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