Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
