I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
