im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
