wrigley field is MILF paradise
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
