i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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