3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bring me that man meat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
