i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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