if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
