We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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