White coat. Heels.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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