Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He passed out mid-signature
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
