I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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