but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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