well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
