Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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