I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
