Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
