Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
