anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
