I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
