I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize