i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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