Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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