When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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