Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
