Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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