so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
