just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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