I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
