What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
