she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
