Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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