Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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