Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
