I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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