i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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