did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
