Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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