I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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